


To Hold Your Breath (In My Own Lungs)

by The_Peridot_Shade



Series: The Girl Who Broke The World and Other Alternate Histories [4]
Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind, Elder Scrolls Online, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: And his reincarnation is no better, Angst, Background Relationships, But that goes without saying when the Nerevarine's involved, Gen, Hope, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Metaphysics, My explanation of the Incarnates will be shared someday, Nerevar is a charming mess of a mer with a savior complex, Nonbinary Character, Not explicitly discussed but my Nerevarine is genderfluid, Past Character Death, Unreliable Narrator, but that day is not this day, past betrayal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-16 02:27:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28574517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Peridot_Shade/pseuds/The_Peridot_Shade
Summary: The Nerevarine weighs in on what's going on in the aftermath of the temporal disturbance.  They know they don't have the full picture and they're surprisingly okay with that.They think that's rather the point, actually.
Relationships: Indoril Almalexia & Indoril Nerevar & Sotha Sil & Vivec
Series: The Girl Who Broke The World and Other Alternate Histories [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2091444
Kudos: 3





	To Hold Your Breath (In My Own Lungs)

**Author's Note:**

> So this is starting to head more into angst territory. Be warned.  
> Also my squish on Nerevar is probably showing. Eh, whatever.

These days, I prefer to be alone.

That was not always the case.Once, I surrounded myself with people who knew me well, whom I knew in turn.Whom I loved in all the ways it is possible to love.

And I paid a deadly price for it.

Suffice it to say, I guard my heart much more closely these days.And my body, for that matter.

Or I try to, anyway.

Stay uninvolved, I keep telling myself.Stay of of sight, out of notice, don't draw attention.

Even as I cannot help but answer a call for help.Even as I find myself sitting in an inn, leadingdrunken strangers in raucous song.Even as every passer-by on the street knows someone I helped, someone I saved.

I've never been good at remaining uninvolved.

Oh, I stay out of Alliance politics well enough.I ignore messengers and emissaries, mysterious benefactors and overambitious heroes.

It's the villages in danger, the mages in over their heads, the long-suffering servants of misguided adventurers that I can never refuse, though I probably should.

Why should I refuse, you ask?

I know the Dovahkiin has written of our efforts, of how we even the odds.They are…not entirely correct.

There must be a balance, you see, between connection and separation.To influence the future but not direct it.We are Prisoners—it is in our nature to drive the momentous events of the planes.

And that is the _opposite_ of our goal.

Our goal is to introduce uncertainty, _possibility_ to the fates into which we were locked.To introduce elements that would not otherwise have been there, to ensure the survival of others who would not have survived.To see beyond our own limitations to what _could be_.

It's about having _choices_.

Everyone and everything that ever lived is connected, already.Through love, through proximity, through heritage, culture, legacy.Through animosity, history, language, grief.Every breath we exhale mixes with others' until eventually, somewhere, somehow, our breath is in another's lungs.We are all inextricably connected in ways we cannot even begin to imagine the scope of.

This exercise is about strengthening those connections just enough that choices influence each other without conflicting.

The Dovahkiin thinks like a dragon—they had to be encouraged to _connect_ without violence, without domination, without manipulation and power plays.

I, on the other hand, think like a revolutionary.

I am therefore under very strict instructions _not_ to go around recruiting people for grand causes and fighting injustice.Small scale is _moderately_ acceptable, but I have to watch my words sometimes.Make sure I'm not making too many waves.

Stop myself from sharing too much.Stop myself from opening up too much.Stop myself from being _vulnerable_ again.

I used to charm an entire nation with empathy and inspiration.I used to turn to others for counsel and support, and _receive_ it.

I miss it.But I cannot have it, not anymore.For my own safety.For the possibility of _closure_.For…well, that would be oversharing.

It's hard.

But if it will give me what I wish for most.If it will ease this pain.

It will be more than worth it.


End file.
